Knowing Yourself First


They say know your enemies and you win all wars. In dating, this is not totally true. We think you have to know yourself first.  Know who you are as a gay person, your reasons for getting into a relationship, or which type of gay people rocks your boat will help. It reduces your search time and helps you find Mr. Right sooner.

1. Your motivations

Before you do anything, ask yourself this first: why get into a relationship? Do you wish to find someone to care about? Or someone to care for you? Or a sexy dance partner to show off to your friends? Asking yourself this question is important. You will realise this influences the kind of guys you search for and prevent yourself from aimlessly moving around, like driftwood, from partner to partner. 

2. Your values and beliefs

Understanding your own sexuality, values and boundaries is important. Some people can accept an open relationship, some cannot. Some are more adventurous and liberal and want a polygamous relationship. 

Are you a gay man with strong religious belief and is trying to come to terms with your identity? How open are you regarding your own sexuality? A couple with different comfort level with sexuality may face different stresses. Some gay people may even have a negative perception of gay relationships! If you are one of them, this severely reduces the odds of you entering into a stable, healthy relationship. Do consider talking to a professional if you have serious issues long overdue. 

3. Your type

Some gay people have a list. They want their potential partners to be handsome, rich, and muscular. What is your list? It doesn’t matter if skin-deep qualities are the most important to you – as long as you admit it to yourself. Relationship counsellors advise writing down a list of qualities you find attractive in a potential partner (ranging from things like height, build, ethnicity to personality, demeanor and his family life). Doing so will clarify things for yourself, and help you to stay focused in your search for an ideal mate.